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Saturday, October 31, 2009

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 17:58:48 GMT

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Good Morning Friends,

It’s been awhile since I posted anything substantial or honestly worth reading and I hope to remedy that.

As far as I know, only 2 of you who might be reading this are aware of what has been going on with me lately. I stopped being a regular poster on here because I felt that my time was better utilized offline, studying and spending time with the Love of my life. We were talking about getting married shortly after we got together 10 months ago, we worked so well together, and I thought we were both happy. I honestly believed that he was the one for me. But he called me up unexpectedly in the middle of the night on October 16^th to announce that he was done, he doesn’t love me the same way he used to anymore and that he wants out of our relationship. This was a humungous blow to my psyche. I do not trust people easily. As horrible as it sounds many times when I go into a friendship I expect them to mess up and hurt me so I don’t trust them very far. Don realized this and set out to earn my trust, which he accomplished after several months, and then he crushes me like an egg shell underfoot?? I’ve been trying to cope with this for the last two weeks and, although I am getting better at pretending I’m ok, in reality I don’t know if I will ever be ok again. I will live to love another day, but I will never be the same woman I was before this. Don was my knight in shining armor, he was the one who realized I needed saving before I knew it myself. He saw Brian for the asshole that he is and had the guts to tell me to my face to get out before that relationship killed me. I did and 2 weeks later Don asked me out, starting the best 10 months of my life. The only time I’ve ever been completely, totally, unquestionably happy, was while I was with him, aside from when I was a really small child at home with my grandmother.

Tomas had called me randomly a day or two prior to Don dropping his bomb on me and the number was still in my phone, but I had left it unsaved because Don didn’t want me to talk to Tomas. I knew his number by heart minus the last digit but if it had not been for his number still being in my phone because of that random phone call to check on me, I don’t know what I would have done. I fell apart to put it lightly. I thought my Dad was still awake, he was and realized I was not ok. He held me for awhile, but when I started crying I went downstairs so I wouldn’t wake anyone else up. Mom heard me though, funny how a mother’s ears are always in tune with her children and their pain, even in sleep...

I cried myself out while talking to Dad and Mom for what seemed like forever and retreated to my room to try to sleep. It was not to be. I fell apart again, but knew no one would be up and then remembered Tomas had called. Thank the Lord for that random phone call…

I know that some people have questioned why I have kept him around all these years when he is so down-right rude sometimes, but he has truly proven his worth several times over. This time he should probably have received a medal for all the crying I did lol. I know he acts pretty rudely sometimes but when the rubber hits the road and I need someone to turn to he has always acted like a friend and/or brother. I’m afraid when I called him up that night I was more than a wreck. I couldn’t even talk straight at one point.

Don had nonverbally asked that I delete all the phone numbers to any guy he didn’t know or who he was suspicious of. I suppose that should have been a red flag but I loved him so much I didn’t think of it as such. I suppose really he didn’t mean any harm but the result was that when he dumped me like that I had no one to turn to when I needed shoulders to cry on. That I eliminated all those “friends” was good because I had gotten myself into some trouble in being friends with a few of them and didn’t know how to make them go away, that gave me the excuse to do so.

My mother is having a hard time with this, not because she really did or did not want Don and I together, but because Don hurt me and so it’s brought out the “momma bear syndrome” in her. She is ready to go to war for her cubs when they are in danger or hurting. It’s sweet, I’m glad she loves me that much but her increasing negativity toward the situation is almost making it harder. She can’t understand why I still love him, why I don’t just forget him, find a new man and move on. She is being practical, I know that, but I still love this man, no matter how much he has hurt me. I’m probably never going to stop loving him come to think of it. It’s like… telling the ocean to stop being wet, or dirt to stop laying on the ground underfoot.

I will eventually be ok, I will eventually be able to go back to the church Don and I were raised in from infancy but right now, I just… can’t. I’ve been going to Nancy’s church, and will probably continue for awhile yet, maybe going to another church that is nearby. But since there are people who attend the other church who know both Don and I, went to school with Don in fact, I probably won’t go there long term. The only way I’ve found any peace in any of this is to trust the Lord. I became so distraught that I begged him to take this burden from me that I can’t bear it alone. He relieved some of the weight but not completely. This burden is mine to bear and if he took it from me completely I wouldn’t like that either.

Don and I were together for 10-months, and not once did we fight. We had disagreements over small things, but never did it get so heated that I would even think of calling it a fight. He was under a lot of pressure from his schoolwork to get good grades, and from his family to dump me from the first day we got together until the last and he admitted that he couldn’t take it anymore that something had to give and I guess that something was me.

When I look at a man, I judge him by my Dad, brothers and grandpa’s. One grandpa is an excellent man, someone who possesses a lot of personality traits I would like to find in my own man, but my other grandpa is of a negative comparison as he is more than a bit of a jerk at times and although he has good points, they are overshadowed by the bad many times. My dad and brothers are semi-self-explanatory. When a girl has a good father there is almost always a special love between them and she will probably want to find a part of him in her husband. My brothers have a good father and so have a good role model to copy. I rate both of them, Grandpa Steve and my father in the “Men of Virtue” category. I also rate Don in that category but apparently he isn’t my “virtuous man” because he doesn’t want me anymore. I just want him to be happy. Truly that’s all I ever want for anyone…

I’ve hurt a lot of people in the last several years. I know that it is pretty unlikely most of them will see this, but for those of you who do, I truly am sorry.

I always was good at writing long posts “full of nothingness” as Tomas puts it but really it isn’t nothingness this time because this is much more than nothing.

There is always more to be said, but I think I’ve said enough for this post.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Wed, 28 Jan 2009 00:49:23 GMT

I realized today that i have not posted recently. So... this is me letting you all know that I have changed my major from Paramedic to Nursing; and am attending Ivy Tech community college in Fort Wayne. This semester I'm taking Basic Math and level two English Composition.

Neither are easy; but the math is kicking my butt right now because I let a classmate borrow my book since his had not come in yet, so I don't have it to study from for this upcoming exam; and although it was stupid of me it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. That was before I knew we had an exam on Thursday.

Don and I are awesome; he's coming home this next weekend. Was supposed to have come home this last weekend; but it didn't work out so he's coming home on 1-29. If he doesn't; I'm going up. He's supposed to come over and spend the day with me at home; but we have to go talk to his ex at 12:00 about some stuff so... we'll see how this works out.

Current Mood: drained

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 21:33:19 GMT

I've fallen in love. Again.

I broke up with Brian and less than a month later a long time friend decided that I needed to be taken off the market and I accepted his idea. And honestly I am absolutely head over heels. Donny treats me so good... I can't even begin to describe it.

Of course as with any relationship, there are the demons that like to scream out bad things but... those are always there no matter what. Always voices saying "It's to good to be true, he's playing you, he's going to leave you, he's using you, he's going to wake up and realize you're nothing."

But unlike one of my friends... I don't get so wrapped up in my men that i threaten suicide and ultimately when it's over... I'm OK.

Honestly though? i hope it works out long term because if he loved me as much or more as he does now for the rest of my life I could be happier than I have ever been. Hmmm wait a minute what am I talking about? I'm already happier than I have ever been...

Pray for us everybody...

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 21:19:08 GMT

Her body was 'ice cold' and her heart stopped, but Duluth woman survived

A Duluth woman falls in the snow on a cold night and slips into unconsciousness. Hours later, her body temperature falls to a dangerous 60 degrees, and her heart stops beating. But she survives, amazing her doctors.

Janice Goodger’s body temperature had fallen to 60 degrees – as cold as Dr. Chris Delp has ever seen – and so cold that it appeared as if she couldn’t possibly survive.

Instead, the 64-year-old Duluth woman will walk back into St. Luke’s hospital for a simple checkup today, just days after what Delp, an emergency room physician at the hospital, called an “amazing” medical journey to the brink of death and back.

“I’m not aware of anyone at this age to have survived [being so cold] and to have done this well,” he said.

And Goodger, who returned to her apartment just days after her heart stopped beating for at least an hour as her body temperature fell, seems to have suffered no ill effects.

“I don’t feel any different, except I can’t yell anymore,” Goodger said.

Goodger, who has had rheumatoid arthritis for the last 24 years, was caring for her daughter’s dog on Anderson Road in Duluth on the afternoon of Dec. 27. As Goodger walked through her daughter’s back yard, she slipped on a slick patch of snow and landed hard.

Goodger’s stiff, swollen joints made it impossible for her to get up off the ground, leaving her few options. She ended up scooting along the ground towards where her car was waiting, only to find that she couldn’t get in the vehicle, either. She was stuck.

She wrapped a long scarf around her legs, pulled her long red coat snugly around her body, reclined in the snowbank, and waited as darkness fell. The night was cold but not frigid. But as Goodger lay in the slushy snow, she grew colder and wetter.

She offered one last thought – “well, God, it’s up to you” – and waited. Some time later, she slipped into unconsciousness.

Goodger’s daughter found her around 9 p.m., after the family returned from a trip to St. Cloud. Goodger was still alive, still breathing, and her heart was still beating, but just barely.

“When a heart gets that cold, the electrical activity is so fragile, that anything you do will just stop it,” Delp said.

It’s called hypothermia-induced cardiac arrest, and it’s fairly uncommon, said Dave Johnson, operations manager for Gold Cross Ambulance of Duluth and Superior. Simply moving a severely hypothermic person can cause cardiac arrest, he said.

Delp praised Gold Cross paramedics and the Duluth Fire Department crews that arrived at the scene for recognizing that. The heart muscle must be warmed before there’s even a chance of getting it beating again, Delp said. Shocking a chilled heart, or dosing a patient with cardiac drugs, won’t make a difference.

Once in the St. Luke’s emergency room, doctors worked to bring Goodger’s cold body back to life.

“She was ice cold,” Delp said. “She felt, literally, like a corpse.”

As doctors set up heated IV drips and a machine to pump heated air into Goodger’s body, her blood began flowing to her extremities again.

Extremely cold temperatures can protect some body functions – particularly brain activity, Delp said – but are damaging to others. After about 20 minutes in the emergency room, Goodger was transferred to the operating room, where cardiothoracic surgeon Dr. Mary Boylan used a special machine to drain Goodger’s blood out of her chilled body, warm it and pump it back in.

Emergency responders kept up CPR on Goodger’s body for at least an hour before she was warm enough to make an attempt to start her heart, Delp said. Surgeons shocked the muscle, and it began beating normally.

From there, Goodger’s recovery was quick and, apparently, complete.

The first thing Goodger can remember after the ordeal is her daughter whispering in her ear on the morning of Dec. 28.

“She said, ‘You can go and see your sister in heaven, or you can stay and watch your grandchildren grow up,’” Goodger said.

Soon enough, Goodger was sitting up in her hospital bed and licking an orange Popsicle to soothe her throat.

“I went and visited her the next day, and they had already taken her off the breathing machine,” Delp said. “I did not expect her to be able to talk to me; my jaw hit the floor when she smiled at me.”

Delp said that “everything came together perfectly” to help Goodger make her recovery – from the paramedics and firefighters who treated her just right, to the constant CPR she received, to the care from Boylan to help warm her heart.

___________________
http://www.duluthnewstribune.com/event/article/id/108944

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Sat, 27 Dec 2008 23:36:45 GMT

As you all know, I broke up with my boyfriend (Brian Blanda) on Dec. 3rd. What you don't know, is that a friend (Donald) from my childhood has decided that he wants me so for the last 3 days or so we've been talking about getting together. And I was very seriously considering it. He's a good man with good background who is absolutely fantastic to his women.

But tonight I got online and Brian (who hasn't been online in a long time, and who hasn't talked to me at all) is online and 'pounces' on me as soon as he can. In customary Brian style, leading up to his point by chewing the fat and talking about not-important stuff. Then he drops the bomb. I said some stuff to instigate it. Such as "Just before I dumped you; Why didn't you want me anymore?" He responded to the effect of "I do want you" along with what I have compiled into a paragraph below.

"Heidi, I'm sorry that I've been such a jerk to you lately. When you dumped me I thought that it wouldn't be that big a deal. That you were just a woman. But I am going crazy without you. I never realized what a diamond you are until you weren't there to light up my life anymore. I want you to come back; and this time I want you to be my one and only woman. I can't do this without you. Please come back?"

All the while that he was saying all those things I compiled up there, I was reading him the riot act. I was beyond upset because up until he did this, I was not doing to bad with the break up. But now its really bothering me. Not the fact that I gave him an ultimatum, or that I laid out the requirements for us to make it work out on the table for him to push around and think about. No, what I am upset about is that just when I find a really sweet man (Donald) and he starts to believe that he can trust me and everything... this goes and happens.

Opinions would be welcome. Though I can't promise I will follow all of the advice given.

Tags: brian

Current Mood: confused

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Tue, 09 Dec 2008 21:32:55 GMT

I went shopping at this awesome bargain book store!! Woot woot!!! If I had gone shopping at a normal book store, like Barnes & Noble or Borders I would have spent close to 4 times more. At either of those stores, these books would average a price of around $20. At this bargain store we found; each book is $5 or $6 depending on if it is hard or soft cover.

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Recently Purchased
The Rescuer (The O'Malley Series #6)
By Dee Henderson
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Warrior's Heart (Homeland Heroes, Book 2)
By Donna Fleisher
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Lady of Milkweed Manor
By Julie, Klassen
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Showdown (Paradise Series, Book 1) (The Books of History Chronicles)
By Ted Dekker
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The Hadassah Covenant
By Tommy Tenney & Mark Andrew Olsen
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In His Image (The Christ Clone Trilogy, Book 1)
By James BeauSeigneur
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Soldier of God (McGarvey)
By David Hagberg
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Recently Purchased
Secrets About Guys: (That Shouldn't Be Secret)
By Grace Dove
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Recently Purchased
The First 90 Days of Marriage
By Eric and Leslie Ludy
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I bought this for a friend and his fiance'. I have no use for it right now. However for the record I have one of their other books, which I bought under suggestion by the friend, and its a superb book. I can't apply it to my life but it's still a very good book.

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Then as if I hadn't bought enough books and things from the bargain book store; I went with Mom and my sister to the Salvation Army and found a bunch of other things and another book. 1 that is a cookbook and the other is moms. Listed in order.

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Recently Purchased
Soft Focus
By Jayne Ann Krentz
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American Heart Association Quick & Easy Cookbook: More Than 200 Healthful Recipes You Can Make in Minutes (American Heart Association)
By American Heart Association
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The Complete Soapmaker: Tips, Techniques & Recipes For Luxurious Handmade Soaps
By Norma Coney
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Education

Fri, 05 Dec 2008 22:34:55 GMT

When I was young, my mother had a job and I would stay with my Grandma Marion while Mama was at work. Then Mom got pregnant with my younger brother (3yrs younger), then my other brother (5 years younger) and finally my sister (9 years younger) and honestly for as far back as I can remember, I spent time with my Great-Grandma almost every day because my mother was busy with her babies and was kind of frazzled. It was just easier to spend time with Gram because she always has a kind word, a willing listening ear, and even to this day she makes you feel as if you are the most important person in the world. I realize that anyone (Except mom) who reads this will have no idea who she is… or how absolutely sweet, gentle, kind and loving she is. But I suspect that my sweet and gentle nature at that time could be fully attributed to the absolute nurturing (spoiling?) I received from both of my parents and my Grandma Marion. My other two grandmas, played a role too I am sure but when I think back to my earliest memories, I remember these three people the best. I can remember going places with Grandma Marion and my mother has filled in the details for the most part, explaining that she would "kidnap" me for entire days taking me places and spoiling me rotten. (*smile*) Imagine that… a grandma spoiling her first great-granddaughter.

When it came time for me to begin school my parents debated and batted around the idea of home schooling me, but decided that I should go to a private, Lutheran based, school that is in a nearby town because my mom wasn't sure she was up to home schooling me with the babies arriving and everything.

I attended that school from Kindergarten until 3rd grade when my mama and daddy pulled me out because of how it was effecting me to negatively. They say that before I attended that school that I was a very sweet affectionate child but that when I started school and after I attended that school, my entire personality changed. I remember dreading every day I had to go to school, and many times I would dread mornings because in my young mind I couldn't always remember what day it was and whether I had to go to school the next morning. I do remember that I would cry a lot but Mom and my grandma's say that I would cry whenever they had to drop me off for school. Hmm… I don't remember crying EVERY day but if they say so I guess that’s the way it was.

For the record, I would cry after school telling them about my day, and because I was so glad another day was over.

When I look back in those memories that I have tried so hard to repress, it was horrible. I hated every day I spent in that school, and can tell you who my teachers were, what they looked like, what they taught and who was nice and who was mean to me. For the most part all the children have gone into a nice tidy "lump" of people so I don't remember specific kids as well anymore, but I do remember that I had two "angels" in those dark days called "school".

1) Was a teacher named Mrs. Kyle. She was my Art, Reading, Writing and Computer teacher. And she made those subjects fun… to this day I still adore those subjects, along with some other things that she would "do" that weren't really a curriculum thing, more like a personal teaching technique.

2) Was an older girl named Faith, (3 or 4 yrs older?) who looked out for the younger kids, making the bullies leave us alone.

But one day toward the end of my 3rd grade year, one of the bullies was picking on a kid from Kindergarten and Faith was nowhere to be found so I thought since I was a big girl of 8 that I could take care of the bully. Heh. I ended up breaking his nose, and he bashed the back of his head on the pavement and had to get stitches. Or so I had been told. But you know the funny thing is, that although I remember this (because I had to go to the principles office) my mother has no recollection of it! Weird huh?

Anyway, I have allowed myself to get off track here… my apologies.

I've thought about this for quite awhile, and I've basically come the conclusion that because of the nurturing and the loving environment I was born into, I couldn't understand how children could be so mean and because they were so mean it was kind of like a culture shock for me. I had been told that Jesus loved all the children and that we are made in God's image. I couldn't understand how these "little people" could be so cruel. I still don't really understand it all but it doesn't bother me the way it used to. But still… I mean these are 5 and 6-year old children… where did they learn to be so absolutely cruel that it puts scars on the heart that last for literal years? From their parents?? I don't know but when I think about humanity as a cruel species I revert back to some of these memories because of how young these children were. I think that as people age that they learn to cope and they take on their own "personalities" and different levels of cruelty. Some people learn to control it and they work at being kind and gentle, but the cruelty exhibited through these children is more primeval than learned. It appears to me as if it is more like a gut instinct type cruelty.
In my humble opinion I think that if the teachers had stepped in a bit more instead of standing back with the mentality that "Well they have to learn sometime" that there would have been less cruelty going on. But then again as my mother says , is it the teachers responsibility to ensure that the children have the proper manners and so forth? No. It is the parents job because they are the parents.

But it is for these reasons that if I ever have children that I would like to home school them. Even if it is only on the elementary level of their schooling. After they are a bit older then I would be more receptive to allowing them to attend a more public educational institution. But even then… really the only reason I would even consider allowing that is because they would need to have some outside interaction with children and people around their own ages. My husband and I could not provide this to them, even if we had several children. ( For the record: I come from a Christian family of 4 children and both parents; so I am thinking at least 2- 4 of my own children and with adoption perhaps more like 6 or 8 before its over. I have always thought adoption was a good thing. So it is my hope that my the Lord will bless me with the proverbial doors to provide a loving home for some of his little angels on earth.)

But back to my original thought pattern… I know how cruel children can be so actually as I roll these thoughts around in my head I think I would almost rather that it be on a more personal level. Such as putting them into sports or something on that order so that if there are problems I would have the opportunity to be there and watch over them so that if help is needed I will be there to provide it. But anyway… I suppose what I am wondering, is that for those of you who read this, what are your thoughts on the subject?

• Do you think that public education is a good thing?

• If you have/were to have children what would be your preferred mode of education?
(yourself personally, not considering your spouses opinion since he or she would of course have a 50% say in what happens with your child's education.

• What about the standard age for education? (5)
I honestly think it's a little bit young, but that’s me. Children learn the most in the first 5 years of their life, and I do not want my children to be learning about human cruelty in those foundational years. They will have a childhood, if I can prevent them from needing to grow up to quickly I will do so.

Note: When I started this post, I did not intend it to go in the direction it did; honestly I had written a post via notebook (actual pen and paper for those of you from Huntsville, AL) while I was at work in some of my spare time and planned to put it into the computer right now, typing it point blank the way I wrote it originally but as you may know, when you start doing something like that, you think of something else to add or some way to change how you have said something and it ends up turning into a post in and of itself!

So anyway; I would be interested to know the opinions this brings up. :0) Specifically those of: Eric/Catttitude, Tony/JessKD, Unixwolf, Tomas, Pete, EvilTemptress, and TomCat. Also that of Mr. Hat, and my own Mother. But I can recall much of what mom has told me so it would merely be for the sake of having it on a more permanent record.

My mother & I, and Tomas & I have discussed this before, but I have forgotten much of what he had told me several months ago.

Current Mood: bitchy

Note: I posted this on the 5th in LJ but mother requested that I post it here.

Monday, December 01, 2008

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 00:56:09 GMT

I was at work a few days ago, and going through the newspaper for the little old lady I care for, looking for anything that may interest her to read to her when I realized that it was the weekend edition before Thanksgiving! For those of you who are unaware that means LOTS AND LOTS of fliers and coupons and advertisements for Black Friday sales. Oh boy!

Before some of you freak out and say "You go shopping on Black Friday!?" for the record... I do not usually under normal circumstances. However... this was a special circumstance.

As I was flipping through the fliers and coupons I ran across one for Elder-Beerman. (A semi-high-end dept. store, that is similar to JC Penny, from this immediate area. (Southern MI, Northern IN and Western OH) They have good stuff, but they purposely mark things up so that the only way you can afford the things they offer, you have to have coupons, go shopping on black Friday etc...

In the fliers there was an advertisement for a $150 mp3 player, that they would be marking down to $50 from 4am-1pm on Black Friday. Now... I think everyone who knows me at all knows that I couldn't pass up a deal like that on something that I want/need. (With an mp3 player I would be able to have music while at work without disturbing Ms. B)
I had been toying with the idea of purchasing one, but hadn't done so because none of them jumped at me, or they cost to much or whatever. Then this came along. So I went to mom, then grandma and they agreed to buy it for me for Christmas. My mom braved the crowds and the congestion and purchased this thing for me. (Because my mother loves me and she's awesome and to put it into an "in family" term... "Mami rocks".)

I'm 20 yrs old, and I honestly do not remember anyone in my family going shopping on Black Friday. I mean even to the point that we went out of our way one year by going shopping a few days before just so we wouldn't have any reason to go near the stores on this day.

On a side note; at Walmart in another town, when they opened up the double doors to the retail end of the store there was such a rush of people to get into the store that there were people who got trampled, fist fights broke out and one woman was knocked unconscious.

When my mother heard about that she teasingly said "Sounds like they needed an EMT on scene" but actually that would go against the basic training because you don't go into a scene until the scene is safe and... fist fights and trampling would not be a safe scene by any stretch of the imagination!

Anyway I just thought I would share that with you all.

I hope all of you had a good holiday with your respective families or however you chose to celebrate it. We went to my grandma's home and Nana and Steve came over for dinner and we just had a nice little get together. Of course, there was food galore... unbelievable how much food my family can put away... but when you consider that my brother is 6'3 and 240lbs without trying... and can eat a horse when he ISN'T hungry... and that he is just following in the proverbial genetic footsteps of my grandfather, father, uncle and other brother... I suppose it isn't such a big surprise.

Current Mood: content

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 00:55:40 GMT

Tue, Nov. 18th, 2008, 07:00 am
Teeth

I am getting 4 teeth pulled this morning at 09:00. I will be thoroughly doped up so I hopefully will not remember a single thing about the entire ordeal; however... I am not exactly "thrilled" with the prospect of some dumb jerk going digging around in my mouth doing who knows what kind of damage to my mouth/jaw while I am "sleeping" oblivious to it all because of the stupid drugs he required me to take prior to my appointment.

And I probably wouldn't have agreed to this at all if my people hadn't ganged up on me! My mother, father, Brian brothers and sister all ganged up on me and said that I had to get it done and that if I didn't I would regret it later.
My Dad even went so far as to bribe/black mail me! Now seriously, how pathetic is that? Haha. I love my dad tons and tons but... I was going to do it before he even thought of bribing me and... meh anyway. He said that if I didn't get it done that he wouldn't get his tooth problem fixed either; which he knew, that I knew was really bothering him. (Has a tooth in the front that is tearing his lip to shreds. Kind of like the teeth in the back of my mouth... are chewing up the sides of my cheeks...)

I hate the dentist... and so does my dad. Mom hasn't been to see a dentist in years yet she has no problems... WTF!? Oh wait... she blames it on her "baking soda". (She literally takes dry baking soda and brushes her teeth with it... ewwww... GROOOOSSSSSSSSSSSS!) She swears it works... and I suppose her teeth show for it but I'm sorry mother that is just... beyond gross.

Current Mood: stressed

Friday, November 14, 2008

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 00:13:09 GMT

I just finished reading the book "Chasing Ghosts" which was both disturbing and educational.

As I was reading it, I became more and more disturbed to realize just how unsavory the conditions where our soldiers were/are in Baghdad, Iraq. And although it bothered me, it didn't bother me as much as when I realized that Fred W. was in the exact same vicinity as the author of this book. To the point that I would not be at all surprised to find out that Fred was one of his subordinates.
Fred is a Specialist and the author is a 1st Lt. for 101st Bravo. Which… if I am not mistaken… is Fred's.
Before I realized this, I was just mildly upset but it really got to me that one of my friends… had been there.

When I asked him about it, at first he humored me, but then got annoyed and told me to forget about it, that I shouldn't give a shit about some dumbass 1st Lt. who couldn't keep his mouth shut and deal with his PTSD in a proper manner. Also after asking him about whether he agreed with the guy about Americans being stupid and lazy; he agreed. Saying a bunch of bull shit about us being lazy and so forth. But I agree with him sadly enough. We are very lazy... and a lot of us need attitude adjustments. Take for example my childhood friend... she got pregnant and went from a girl who could have had anything, gone to any school in the world to a white trash, welfare case acts like she's been victimized and that everything should be handed to her and that she doesn't deserve to pay the consequences of her stupid decisions. That "mommy and daddy" should just fix everything so that she doesn't have to suffer from her mistakes.

I just thank the Lord that my parents had the wisdom to instill the "if you make a mistake you get to feel the consequences" into me early...

The book is good, well written; and was written with neither a conservative nor liberal frame of mind. It was written from a "help the soldier" mentality. So in that one… I agree with the author. I am still not sure I agree with his decision in how to bring about changes for the soldiers but… I know that he did what he thought was best and that would bring about the quickest change.

*** Fred and I went to school together. He has served 4 tours in Iraq and spent the first tour just in the area that this book was based on. Also spent a lot of time in Kuwait and some time in Afghanistan from what I remember. He told me a long time ago, but he knew I wasn't really listening because I had no context to apply it to. I didn't understand the territory involved or anything. All I knew was that he had PTSD, had been in Baghdad, Kuwait and Afghanistan. He won't re-tell me all of this bull shit because he knows that I am actually paying attention this time... I tried to study the maps on his wall but... I still didn't really comprehend what I was seeing since I had no context and no "stories". Unlike now.

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Education

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Tue, Nov. 18th, 2008, 07:00 am Teeth

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