Name:Heidi Country:United States State:Indiana Metro:Goshen Birthday:5/21/1988 Gender:Female
Interests:I'm in the process of trying to become a Paramedic, so that I can help people; or at least feel like I'm helping them... Sleeping! (Woo!) Talkin' to the guy I love. Family. Friends. Talkin to God. Horses. Dogs. Playing my music/Writing new music/Playing my instruments. Swimming. Canoeing when possible. Fishing. Guns, the 2nd-Ammendment, hunting/gutting/skinning/bein' kinda gross by most girls standards. Getting dirty in an engine/ driving manual tranny's. Meh... I'm a very unique person y'all... *grins*
Expertise:Loving people to much. I love them, grow close to them and then... lose them. I've been hurt in the past because of it... I try not to, but it happens anyway. I just love everyone around me to much I guess. Occupation:Student - studying Industry:Living life... trying to do wh
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Good Morning Friends,
It’s been awhile since I posted anything substantial or
honestly worth reading and I hope to remedy that.
As far as I know, only 2 of you who might be reading this
are aware of what has been going on with me lately.I stopped being a regular poster on here
because I felt that my time was better utilized offline, studying and spending
time with the Love of my life.We were
talking about getting married shortly after we got together 10 months ago, we
worked so well together, and I thought we were both happy. I honestly believed
that he was the one for me.But he
called me up unexpectedly in the middle of the night on October 16th
to announce that he was done, he doesn’t love me the same way he used to
anymore and that he wants out of our relationship.This was a humungous blow to my psyche. I do
not trust people easily.As horrible as
it sounds many times when I go into a friendship I expect them to mess up and
hurt me so I don’t trust them very far.Don realized this and set out to earn my trust, which he accomplished
after several months, and then he crushes me like an egg shell underfoot??I’ve been trying to cope with this for the
last two weeks and, although I am getting better at pretending I’m ok, in
reality I don’t know if I will ever be ok again.I will live to love another day, but I will
never be the same woman I was before this.Don was my knight in shining armor, he was the one who realized I needed
saving before I knew it myself.He saw
Brian for the asshole that he is and had the guts to tell me to my face to get
out before that relationship killed me.I did and 2 weeks later Don asked me out, starting the best 10 months of
my life.The only time I’ve ever been
completely, totally, unquestionably happy, was while I was with him, aside from
when I was a really small child at home with my grandmother.
Tomas had called me randomly a day or two prior to Don
dropping his bomb on me and the number was still in my phone, but I had left it
unsaved because Don didn’t want me to talk to Tomas.I knew his number by heart minus the last
digit but if it had not been for his number still being in my phone because of
that random phone call to check on me, I don’t know what I would have
done.I fell apart to put it lightly. I thought my
Dad was still awake, he was and realized I was not ok.He held me for awhile, but when I started
crying I went downstairs so I wouldn’t wake anyone else up.Mom heard me though, funny how a mother’s
ears are always in tune with her children and their pain, even in sleep...
I cried myself out while talking to Dad and Mom for what
seemed like forever and retreated to my room to try to sleep.It was not to be.I fell apart again, but knew no one would be
up and then remembered Tomas had called. Thank the Lord for that random phone call…
I know that some people have questioned why I have kept him
around all these years when he is so down-right rude sometimes, but he has
truly proven his worth several times over.This time he should probably have received a medal for all the crying I
did lol.I know he acts pretty rudely
sometimes but when the rubber hits the road and I need someone to turn to he
has always acted like a friend and/or brother.I’m afraid when I called him up that night I was more than a wreck.I couldn’t even talk straight at one point.
Don had nonverbally asked that I delete all the phone
numbers to any guy he didn’t know or who he was suspicious of.I suppose that should have been a red flag
but I loved him so much I didn’t think of it as such.I suppose really he didn’t mean any harm but
the result was that when he dumped me like that I had no one to turn to when I
needed shoulders to cry on.That I
eliminated all those “friends” was good because I had gotten myself into some
trouble in being friends with a few of them and didn’t know how to make them go
away, that gave me the excuse to do so.
My mother is having a hard time with this, not because she
really did or did not want Don and I together, but because Don hurt me and so
it’s brought out the “momma bear syndrome” in her.She is ready to go to war for her cubs when
they are in danger or hurting.It’s
sweet, I’m glad she loves me that much but her increasing negativity toward the
situation is almost making it harder.She can’t understand why I still love him, why I don’t just forget him,
find a new man and move on.She is being
practical, I know that, but I still love this man, no matter how much he has
hurt me.I’m probably never going to stop
loving him come to think of it.It’s
like… telling the ocean to stop being wet, or dirt to stop laying on the ground
underfoot.
I will eventually be ok, I will eventually be able to go
back to the church Don and I were raised in from infancy but right now, I just…
can’t.I’ve been going to Nancy’s
church, and will probably continue for awhile yet, maybe going to another
church that is nearby.But since there
are people who attend the other church who know both Don and I, went to school
with Don in fact, I probably won’t go there long term.The only way I’ve found any peace in any of
this is to trust the Lord.I became so
distraught that I begged him to take this burden from me that I can’t bear it
alone.He relieved some of the weight
but not completely.This burden is mine
to bear and if he took it from me completely I wouldn’t like that either.
Don and I were together for 10-months, and not once did we
fight.We had disagreements over small
things, but never did it get so heated that I would even think of calling it a
fight.He was under a lot of pressure
from his schoolwork to get good grades, and from his family to dump me from the
first day we got together until the last and he admitted that he couldn’t take
it anymore that something had to give and I guess that something was me.
When I look at a man, I judge him by my Dad, brothers and
grandpa’s. One grandpa is an excellent man, someone who possesses a lot of
personality traits I would like to find in my own man, but my other grandpa is
of a negative comparison as he is more than a bit of a jerk at times and
although he has good points, they are overshadowed by the bad many times.My dad and brothers are
semi-self-explanatory.When a girl has a
good father there is almost always a special love between them and she will
probably want to find a part of him in her husband.My brothers have a good father and so have a
good role model to copy.I rate both of
them, Grandpa Steve and my father in the “Men of Virtue” category.I also rate Don in that category but apparently
he isn’t my “virtuous man” because he doesn’t want me anymore.I just want him to be happy.Truly that’s all I ever want for anyone…
I’ve hurt a lot of people in the last several years.I know that it is pretty unlikely most of
them will see this, but for those of you who do, I truly am sorry.
I always was good at writing long posts “full of
nothingness” as Tomas puts it but really it isn’t nothingness this time because
this is much more than nothing.
There is always more to be said, but I think I’ve said
enough for this post.
I realized today that i have not posted recently. So... this is me
letting you all know that I have changed my major from Paramedic to
Nursing; and am attending Ivy Tech community college in Fort Wayne.
This semester I'm taking Basic Math and level two English Composition.
Neither
are easy; but the math is kicking my butt right now because I let a
classmate borrow my book since his had not come in yet, so I don't
have it to study from for this upcoming exam; and although it was
stupid of me it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. That was
before I knew we had an exam on Thursday.
Don and I are
awesome; he's coming home this next weekend. Was supposed to have come
home this last weekend; but it didn't work out so he's coming home on
1-29. If he doesn't; I'm going up. He's supposed to come over and spend
the day with me at home; but we have to go talk to his ex at 12:00
about some stuff so... we'll see how this works out.
I broke up with Brian and less than a month later a long time friend decided that I needed to be taken off the market and I accepted his idea. And honestly I am absolutely head over heels. Donny treats me so good... I can't even begin to describe it.
Of course as with any relationship, there are the demons that like to scream out bad things but... those are always there no matter what. Always voices saying "It's to good to be true, he's playing you, he's going to leave you, he's using you, he's going to wake up and realize you're nothing."
But unlike one of my friends... I don't get so wrapped up in my men that i threaten suicide and ultimately when it's over... I'm OK.
Honestly though? i hope it works out long term because if he loved me as much or more as he does now for the rest of my life I could be happier than I have ever been. Hmmm wait a minute what am I talking about? I'm already happier than I have ever been...
Her body was 'ice cold' and her heart stopped, but Duluth woman survived
A
Duluth woman falls in the snow on a cold night and slips into
unconsciousness. Hours later, her body temperature falls to a dangerous
60 degrees, and her heart stops beating. But she survives, amazing her
doctors.
Janice Goodger’s body temperature had fallen to 60
degrees – as cold as Dr. Chris Delp has ever seen – and so cold that it
appeared as if she couldn’t possibly survive.
Instead, the
64-year-old Duluth woman will walk back into St. Luke’s hospital for a
simple checkup today, just days after what Delp, an emergency room
physician at the hospital, called an “amazing” medical journey to the
brink of death and back.
“I’m not aware of anyone at this age to have survived [being so cold] and to have done this well,” he said.
And
Goodger, who returned to her apartment just days after her heart
stopped beating for at least an hour as her body temperature fell,
seems to have suffered no ill effects.
“I don’t feel any different, except I can’t yell anymore,” Goodger said.
Goodger,
who has had rheumatoid arthritis for the last 24 years, was caring for
her daughter’s dog on Anderson Road in Duluth on the afternoon of Dec.
27. As Goodger walked through her daughter’s back yard, she slipped on
a slick patch of snow and landed hard.
Goodger’s stiff, swollen
joints made it impossible for her to get up off the ground, leaving her
few options. She ended up scooting along the ground towards where her
car was waiting, only to find that she couldn’t get in the vehicle,
either. She was stuck.
She wrapped a long scarf around her legs,
pulled her long red coat snugly around her body, reclined in the
snowbank, and waited as darkness fell. The night was cold but not
frigid. But as Goodger lay in the slushy snow, she grew colder and
wetter.
She offered one last thought – “well, God, it’s up to you” – and waited. Some time later, she slipped into unconsciousness.
Goodger’s
daughter found her around 9 p.m., after the family returned from a trip
to St. Cloud. Goodger was still alive, still breathing, and her heart
was still beating, but just barely.
“When a heart gets that cold, the electrical activity is so fragile, that anything you do will just stop it,” Delp said.
It’s
called hypothermia-induced cardiac arrest, and it’s fairly uncommon,
said Dave Johnson, operations manager for Gold Cross Ambulance of
Duluth and Superior. Simply moving a severely hypothermic person can
cause cardiac arrest, he said.
Delp praised Gold Cross
paramedics and the Duluth Fire Department crews that arrived at the
scene for recognizing that. The heart muscle must be warmed before
there’s even a chance of getting it beating again, Delp said. Shocking
a chilled heart, or dosing a patient with cardiac drugs, won’t make a
difference.
Once in the St. Luke’s emergency room, doctors worked to bring Goodger’s cold body back to life.
“She was ice cold,” Delp said. “She felt, literally, like a corpse.”
As
doctors set up heated IV drips and a machine to pump heated air into
Goodger’s body, her blood began flowing to her extremities again.
Extremely
cold temperatures can protect some body functions – particularly brain
activity, Delp said – but are damaging to others. After about 20
minutes in the emergency room, Goodger was transferred to the operating
room, where cardiothoracic surgeon Dr. Mary Boylan used a special
machine to drain Goodger’s blood out of her chilled body, warm it and
pump it back in.
Emergency responders kept up CPR on Goodger’s
body for at least an hour before she was warm enough to make an attempt
to start her heart, Delp said. Surgeons shocked the muscle, and it
began beating normally.
From there, Goodger’s recovery was quick and, apparently, complete.
The first thing Goodger can remember after the ordeal is her daughter whispering in her ear on the morning of Dec. 28.
“She said, ‘You can go and see your sister in heaven, or you can stay and watch your grandchildren grow up,’” Goodger said.
Soon enough, Goodger was sitting up in her hospital bed and licking an orange Popsicle to soothe her throat.
“I
went and visited her the next day, and they had already taken her off
the breathing machine,” Delp said. “I did not expect her to be able to
talk to me; my jaw hit the floor when she smiled at me.”
Delp
said that “everything came together perfectly” to help Goodger make her
recovery – from the paramedics and firefighters who treated her just
right, to the constant CPR she received, to the care from Boylan to
help warm her heart.
As you all know, I broke up with my boyfriend (Brian Blanda) on Dec.
3rd. What you don't know, is that a friend (Donald) from my childhood
has decided that he wants me so for the last 3 days or so we've been
talking about getting together. And I was very seriously considering
it. He's a good man with good background who is absolutely fantastic to
his women.
But tonight I got online and Brian (who hasn't been
online in a long time, and who hasn't talked to me at all) is online
and 'pounces' on me as soon as he can. In customary Brian style,
leading up to his point by chewing the fat and talking about
not-important stuff. Then he drops the bomb. I said some stuff to
instigate it. Such as "Just before I dumped you; Why didn't you want me
anymore?" He responded to the effect of "I do want you" along with what
I have compiled into a paragraph below.
"Heidi, I'm sorry that
I've been such a jerk to you lately. When you dumped me I thought that
it wouldn't be that big a deal. That you were just a woman. But I am
going crazy without you. I never realized what a diamond you are until
you weren't there to light up my life anymore. I want you to come back;
and this time I want you to be my one and only woman. I can't do this
without you. Please come back?"
All the while that he was saying
all those things I compiled up there, I was reading him the riot act. I
was beyond upset because up until he did this, I was not doing to bad
with the break up. But now its really bothering me. Not the fact that I
gave him an ultimatum, or that I laid out the requirements for us to
make it work out on the table for him to push around and think about.
No, what I am upset about is that just when I find a really sweet man
(Donald) and he starts to believe that he can trust me and
everything... this goes and happens.
Opinions would be welcome. Though I can't promise I will follow all of the advice given.
drained
confused
